


The Aithusa Problem

by orphan_account



Series: Collection of short fics [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bickering, Crack, Episode Related, Episode: S04e04 Aithusa, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-22 12:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/913212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur stared down at the tiny white dragon as it chewed on the corner of a tapestry.</p>
<p>Arthur frowned. "Well, obviously you're the mother," he said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aithusa Problem

Merlin and Arthur stared down at the tiny white dragon as it chewed on the corner of a tapestry depicting the Battle of Bulch, where Arthur's great great great grandfather had flattened an entire garrison of Mercian soldiers with no more than a dozen horsemen.

Arthur frowned. "Well, obviously you're the mother," he said.

"What?" Merlin spluttered, aiming a smack at Arthur without taking his eyes off Aithusa, who was trying to puff a scrap of wool out of her snout. "I'm not the mother!"

"You're the one who-" Arthur flapped his hand towards Aithusa. "-who spawned her."

"I didn't  _spawn_  her! I  _summoned_  her!"

"Whatever!" The logic of what Merlin had described as Aithusa’s ‘birth’ was still a bit scrambled in Arthur's head. "You said you... Popped her egg open. Brought her kicking and screaming into the world. Gave her that first breath. All of which makes  _you_  the mother. I'm the father."

"Excuse me," Merlin's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as he turned to give Arthur a discerning look. " _You’re_  the father? What part did you play in this, exactly?"

Arthur felt his cheeks heat up but he refused to be embarrassed by  _Merlin_. He slid a little closer and wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, letting his chin come to rest on Merlin's shoulder. "Well, I'm your..." he said, but Merlin was having none of it.

"No way!" he squeaked, wriggling free of Arthur's grip. "No  _way_  are you her father just because you're my-" Merlin waved his hand in Arthur's direction, clearly hoping that it would suitably illustrate exactly what Arthur was. Arthur thought it was a pretty sound explanation. "If anything," Merlin continued, "you're her uncle or her- her godparent. You are not her father. I'm her father! She- she was already an egg and I just gave her that little extra nudge. That's totally the father's job description, not the mother's!"

"You hatched her!"

"I didn't  _incubate_  her though!"

Arthur was three milliseconds away from prompting Merlin with an 'oh really, are you  _sure_  about that!?' but he realised that the level of discomfort their conversation had reached was already enough to make his crown curl, and he was concerned that if either of them got any more incredulous then the pitch of their voices would rise above the range of human hearing.

“Fine,” Arthur sighed, raising his hands in forfeit. “Alright, you’re not the mother. It was an immaculate conception or- whatever.”

Merlin pursed his lips and tapped his foot but said nothing.

“So what do you wanna do with her?”

At that, the anger dropped from Merlin’s face and he went back to looking sheepish. He scratched nervously at the back of his head and nodded meaningfully in the direction of the cupboard. “I was thinking...” he started bravely - bravely in Arthur’s opinion, anyway. You would have to be brave to suggest something so absurd.

“Nope,” Arthur cut in. “No, that is  _not_ gonna happen, Merlin. I am not raising an illegal dragon baby in my cupboard.”

“But you’re her father!” Merlin protested loudly, not even attempting to hide his whine. “You can’t expect me to take sole custody.”

“Not five minutes ago you were saying I had no part in this!” Arthur said, the pitch of his voice rising once again. “What about the egg and the incubation and the-”

“Alright, alright!” Merlin’s voice was rising too. He stepped forward and put a hand over Arthur’s mouth. “Don’t make me say it, Arthur.”

Arthur frowned.

“Don’t make me say I’m her...” Merlin trailed off, giving Arthur a stern look and not moving his hand from where it was clasped over Arthur’s mouth. “Don’t make me say I’m her mother.”

Arthur made an ‘aha!’ hum of triumph against Merlin’s palm, and Merlin promptly took his hand off Arthur’s mouth so he could use it to slap him in the face.

“Shut it,” he scowled. “No matter how many dragons I mother, it doesn’t change the fact that my cock has been in your-”

“ _Okay_!” Arthur shouted over the terrifying end to Merlin’s horrible horrible lie of a sentence. “Let’s get some blankets set up in the cupboard, shall we?”


End file.
